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Stark Reality in Daylight

Posted on Saturday 12 December 2009

You had hoped it wasn’t so. You have no choice but to still hope you are wrong. But your nagging inner voice is wondering if it was simply all about the smoke, the mirrors, the dogs, the ponies, the show.

You admit that you made a mistake. You are forced to “stick it out” for now, as your adult self tells you is the right thing to do anyway, even though all you want to say is “f**k it.”

Which leads to the black hole of “f**k this and that and everything.” Everything that was supposed to be here that isn’t–like a promised salary that is two weeks late in kicking in because your “training” is never quite complete, despite what you were immediately told to handle on your own. So you calculate your pathetic hourly that you have to accept for now because you have no other job, and you acknowledge that for the first time in your life, you might not make all of your bills.

This, in turn, grows into a gigantic “f**k it all,” because if it had not been for this, you would have that. If it had not played out that way years ago, you’d still have this. If and if and if. What if? If only….

The reality is stark. The future is a question mark.

Those who matter most, however, take most of the “f**k this” out of this. A text from RG Daughter, a phone call from RG Son, a thumbs-up from a friend on Facebook, a hug and caress from your great guy no matter how low your mood or how discouraged–nay, stupid–you feel.

It’s just a job that isn’t what it should be. It’s only money you don’t have. Those are the cards right now. Time to shrug and play the hand as you can. F**k.

11 Comments for 'Stark Reality in Daylight'

    December 12, 2009 | 3:59 pm

    And you do what you always do when you find yourself in such a situation. Jump up and down and stomp your feet until you get it out your system then work out a plan to change it. We can’t berate ourselves for getting into unforseen circumstances, only for not doing anything about them once we realise we don’t like the situation. I have faith in you, RG ๐Ÿ™‚

    December 13, 2009 | 10:48 am

    Hi RG,
    Sorry things are f**ked up. Life can throw some damn wrenches in the mix, can’t it. For you, this is a bad reality; for me, your reader, it is a challenge that I follow with true interest and compassion and I never doubt that you will be celebrating a victory down the road. Hope your good moments far outweigh the f**ked ones. Love from Singapore–Sarah

    December 13, 2009 | 12:31 pm

    Sorry that is happening to you. It’s not fair. Especially right before the holidays. I hope they get their heads out of their arses as soon as possible.

    December 13, 2009 | 1:51 pm

    Sorry you’re having a rough patch there, RG. I’ve only been to Key West once and thought it was a nice place to visit. Once one looked behind the facade, it seemed empty, like a Disney movie soundstage. Or like The Wizard of Oz….”Ignore the man behind the curtain!”. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

    December 13, 2009 | 7:37 pm

    Fuck it. Not to the situation, or what you have to do, but how it affects you.

    It’s just now. And now doesn’t last forever.

    December 14, 2009 | 2:23 am

    Times like these demand the Suz mantra (for times like these): Breathe in. Breathe out. RG, so sorry things aren’t working out as you’d hoped. Been there a few times myself. Your resilient spirit will carry you through to brighter times. I know this about you from your brutally honest blogging. Keep the faith. (And I liked the first version of this confession as much as I do this one). ๐Ÿ˜‰

    December 14, 2009 | 7:01 pm

    Hang in there, RG. Just remember, “This too shall pass”.

    December 14, 2009 | 7:30 pm

    You have RG Daughter, Son, Facebook Friend and Great Guy at your back. And you yourself have concluded that when it comes to the job ‘it’s only money you don’t have.’ There’s a silver lining here for you somewhere, RG, I know there is. Chin up, old girl!

    December 14, 2009 | 9:42 pm

    Tell your boss to follow through on his promise. If not, his loss. There are more things to do in life. Go visit daughter for the holidays. Or come to Vegas, we have a spare room.

    December 15, 2009 | 12:24 am

    Did that for ten years – couldn’t complain to “Personnel” because the “boss” *was* Personnel – but I’m damn stubborn ๐Ÿ™‚

    Good luck to you –

    December 16, 2009 | 4:36 pm

    Dear RG,

    I like all of the advice posted here. You attract such nice commentators โ€“ like bees to a flower. In all of the stories and ups/downs that you write about โ€ฆ you always come out like Cinderella โ€“ finally getting to the Ball. Keep the Faith, dear Cinderella โ€ฆ write out the good, bad, and ugly in words today โ€ฆ but remember, the Ball awaits you โ€ฆ out there, swirling and whirling โ€ฆ the loveliness will come back.

    p.s. sorry about the duplication, I had to correct my typos …. could you delete that one for me? ty.

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