Ask Me–I Know Everything!

Posted on Monday 18 August 2008

Local Caller No. 1

“Are you open for lunch today?”

Yes.

“Does that mean you are open for dinner tonight?”

Yes.

“Will you stay open no matter what happens with Fay?”

As of right now, we plan to stay open.

“No matter what?”

Now you are beginning to annoy me.

Tourist Caller No. 2

“What’s it doing there now?”

Raining.

“Hard?”

Just raining. Sometimes it gets heavier for a little while.

“Well, what doesn’t seem like heavy rain to you is heavy to me because I don’t live here. I am traveling on business.”

Okay.

“So how heavy will the rain get?”

Really, really, really heavy. Or, just look out of your hotel window now and then.

Tourist Caller No. 3

“Is it going to be a hurricane?”

I hope not.

“But, I mean, what are the chances it will become a hurricane?”

No clue. Wish I had one.

“So you’re telling me it’s going to remain a tropical storm? In your opinion.”

Uh….

“Right?”

Please, turn on a TV.

Soon-to-be-Arriving Tourist Caller No. 4

“My hotel is open, right?”

I don’t know. Have you called them?

“Yeah. They’re open now, but do you think they will stay open?”

Honestly, I would suggest calling them and asking them directly about their contingency plans.

“Can you check for me?”

What? No!

Out-of-Town Tourist Caller No. 5

“The airports are still open, right?”

I believe so.

“All night and tomorrow?”

I don’t know the answer to that. You will need to check with your airline carrier.

“It’s American. Are they still flying?”

Are you kidding me?

“Look, I am just asking you because I know you have more experience at this than I do.”

Right. I can’t even begin to tell you what a 50 mile-per-hour gust feels like, much less sustained tropical storm winds. Now, if you want to talk snowstorms….”

“Okay, well, maybe I’ll get there. Maybe I won’t.”

Great!

“But take my reservation, just in case.”

Certainly.

***

Today, I am apparently qualified to be the owner of my restaurant, a meteorologist, a hotel proprietor, and the director of operations for both FLL and MIA. Who knew I was so versatile? Thanks, Fay!

10 Comments for 'Ask Me–I Know Everything!'

  1.  
    August 18, 2008 | 9:15 pm
     

    RG,
    I know you’ve been real busy, so I kind of hate to ask you this, but I live in what just yesterday was described as a “cone of uncertainty” (which is pretty much true for me all of the time) … but do you think will I be required to go into the office tomorrow, or can I just take care of things form home? I’m trying to decide what time to go to sleep.

    Seriously, maybe you should just start taking one of those little Magic 8 Balls to work, that thing that always says Ask Again Later. : )

  2.  
    Restaurant Gal
    August 18, 2008 | 9:53 pm
     

    Mary Tiler More–In the words of the great 8 Ball: “Signs point to yes” which means home or office–your choice! Personally, I would opt for home.

  3.  
    Echo
    August 18, 2008 | 11:42 pm
     

    Welcome to the information desk, RG, pull up a chair ๐Ÿ™‚

    I work retail in a mall. According to my customers, I’m supposed to know: the bus schedule, locations of all restrooms in the entire mall, all locations to purchase the local paper, be able to give directions around the entire city, and instantly be able to recite the hours and stock availability (as well as prices) at all our competitors — that’s in addition to knowing the location of every item in our store — and whether the customer’s husband, child, and/or grandmother was in the store within the past five minutes.

    What shift can I sign you up for ? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4.  
    retired restuarant manager
    August 18, 2008 | 11:43 pm
     

    RG…i just looked outside and it was sunny…does that mean that the car parked outside next to mine is blue, and if it did begin to rain and it was a light rain, not a heavy rain, would it still be blue?? oh…and if there was to be a rain storm in florida, and not a hurricane…would you be able to tell because the weatherman told us, or because I happend to look out the window at a blue car???

  5.  
    August 19, 2008 | 5:22 am
     

    You gals are somuch better at multi-tasking than us guys ๐Ÿ™‚

  6.  
    Julie
    August 19, 2008 | 8:40 am
     

    It’s a beautiful, sunny morning here… Are you sure it’s raining? I could have sworn the meteorologist said that the earliest chance of rain in Chicago was Thursday…. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7.  
    August 19, 2008 | 12:11 pm
     

    Yes, it’s nice and sunny here with no clouds at all. Are you sure it’s going to rain?

    I here there is a lot of money in making predictions, maybe you can start a pay per call phone line on that stuff.

  8.  
    August 19, 2008 | 9:11 pm
     

    What can you tell me about earthquakes? I mean, hurricanes and earthquakes are similar…right? ๐Ÿ™‚

  9.  
    August 24, 2008 | 3:12 pm
     

    I own a Greek restaurant in KY. I should have tasted all the gyro sandwiches in the world because a lot of customers ask me; I ate a gyro in Austria, Miami,Korea, Germany, New York,Chicago, Colorado, Nashville e.t.c ; Is it the same as yours?

  10.  
    February 7, 2009 | 6:02 am
     

    People are idiots and we get off the wall questions like those all the time.

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