Mr. Fabulous

Posted on Monday 13 August 2007

I have a new man in my life. I have to drive to his place to see him, but it’s worth it. When I get there, he does my laundry. All of it. Every last sandy beach towel. And this morning, he welcomed me without hesitation.

I knew today would be a tough one. RG Daughter and her boyfriend left at the crack of dawn to wing their way back to D.C. I knew the apartment would feel empty, no matter how loud I cranked up my music. I knew I would want to stay in bed, pull the covers over my head, and sleep away this back-to-reality day. But I didn’t. Instead, I forced myself to make a plan that included the necessary and the mundane.

The mundane:

–Go for a walk. Okay, go for a trudge, because my energy and heart wasn’t in it. But I did wend my way to the ocean, I nodded at the hot sand, and I turned around for home.

–Eat. On my day off, I tend to graze all day, food groups be damned. Thus, my breakfast: M&Ms, two slices of mozzarella cheese and a handful of rice crackers. My lunch: Lots of Tostitos corn chips and salsa con queso dip. Dinner: I promise to eat a salad, maybe some fruit.

–One errand. Decided to return a too small shower caddy to Bed Bath and Beyond. I exchanged it for a multi-colored beach chair instead of another shower caddy, because that’s what I wanted more. And I can use it when RG daughter comes back for more beach time.

The necessary:

–Deal with my lying sack-of-shit landlord. He called three times to tell me he will fix the wiring throughout the apartment, “Tomorrow. At 5 p.m. Okay? That’s good, yes?” He must have some incredible team of contractors who can rip down walls, re-wire the phone and cable lines, and have it all back up and painted and ready for action by the time I get home from work at 10 p.m.

–Deal with dealing with my landlord. Instead of screaming at him, I calmly told him I didn’t believe that it is possible for him to fix all the problems at 5 p.m. tomorrow. He said he would call me back. Meanwhile, who cares anymore about the lack of any working phone jacks for my DSL except one, and only one cable outlet that mostly gets a signal. I now have hot water. I have electricity in the bedrooms. I should be thankful to pay top dollar for that privilege, right? What’s another few hundred dollars for a wireless airport and a set of old-fashioned rabbit ears for the TV in the bedroom?

–Do laundry. See, I am supposed to have a laundry room in my apartment complex. I know it will come as a shock to all that it is not up and running. Thus, I had to track down a coin-op laundry that wasn’t 1) scary, 2) filled with scary people, and 3) disgusting, in general.

I followed signs off the main drag and that’s when I found him: Mr. Fabulous. No AC, but open walls on two sides and ceiling fans, plenty of washers and dryers, and a change machine that worked. Wash-and-fold services also available. What’s not to love about him? And the best part, his name is in lights–neon. I can’t wait to go back some evening and see if they really do light him up.

Because I have a feeling Mr. Fabulous and I are going to become fast and fabulous friends, all thanks to my landlord. May his (my landlord’s not Mr Fabulous’s!) house flood and his sporty Mercedes stall in a giant puddle the next time a massive thunderstorm blows through–say, tomorrow at 5 p.m.

11 Comments for 'Mr. Fabulous'

  1.  
    Beverly the Diva
    August 13, 2007 | 3:43 pm
     

    Have you tried informing your landlord that you are putting a rent escrow in place? In most states you can file a written complaint against your landlord and place your rent in an excrow account instead of paying it to the landlord until A: he fixes the problems and then you pay him, or B: you pay someone to fix the problem out of the escrow account and the landlord gets nothing.

  2.  
    August 13, 2007 | 3:52 pm
     

    I want a Mr. Fabulous, right after cleaning, laundry is on the list of things I don’t like doing.

  3.  
    August 13, 2007 | 4:25 pm
     

    Isn’t it nice of him, to provide you with the motivation to learn what’s around town?

  4.  
    Restaurant Gal
    August 13, 2007 | 6:21 pm
     

    Beverly–I hope to have everything dealt with this week. Um, yeah, that’s it. This week. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Katie–I despise cleaning, even though I am a neat freak here to keep the critters at bay.

    Joe in Vegas–That is EXACTLY what I thought! I missed traveling to your town this summer. Hopefully someday soon.

  5.  
    August 13, 2007 | 6:27 pm
     

    i was gonna say what beverly said…. i had the same issues in my 1st solo apt and it worked for me…. he kept letting me do things on my own and i would give him reciepts instead of rent checks….. i ended up w/ the better end of the deal in the end

  6.  
    Kate
    August 13, 2007 | 11:09 pm
     

    I feel the same way about my shower. I’m not usually an indulgent person (as far as buying things, I suppose!), but with the shower I get the works; face stuff, loofah, body wash, good shampoo and conditioner. And I take nice loooong showers with music and candles. It’s always there; always relaxing and doesn’t act up too much (only semi annual clogs which just need some draino.) Sometimes when nothing seems to go right, reliable things feel fabulous, even if its a laundromat or a coffee shop or a loved pet.

    Stay strong, you will succeed in taming your land lord. I bet he’s not used to people who call him on things; people rarely are.

  7.  
    August 13, 2007 | 11:35 pm
     

    Some of the best people watching I’ve done is at laundromats. I almost miss it. Almost. Naahh.

  8.  
    Tinker
    August 14, 2007 | 1:57 am
     

    Still worrying about you, but it doesn’t seem to have helped either of us.

  9.  
    Julie
    August 14, 2007 | 8:49 am
     

    In Brooklyn, one of the many things I missed about my previous homes was easy access to a washer and dryer. Every week, I’d load up my “bag lady cart”, carry it down a flight of stairs and roll it down the street. It wasn’t so bad once I got there, though. The owner’s son was always nice and would chat for a few minutes, and i’d usually run into a neighborhood friend. Maybe you’ll meet someone at Mr. Fabulous who will become your Fabulous Friend. ๐Ÿ™‚

  10.  
    August 14, 2007 | 1:32 pm
     

    Hey, who knows, maybe Mr. Right goes to Mr. Fabulous, too! As to Mr. Landlord:
    [paraphrasing]:
    “Mr. Landlord? I know Mr. Fabulous. Mr. Fabulous is a friend of mine. You, sir, are no Mr. Fabulous.”

    Try to find another place to live or we are all going to come down there and either beat Mr. Landlord to a pulp or physically move you somewhere else.

  11.  
    August 14, 2007 | 3:49 pm
     

    Question Girl–I have a plan for that option.

    Kate–Am making a little progress with him, very little, but some nevertheless.

    Ex-RM–Yeah, it probably wasn’t at Mr. Fabulous….

    Julie–Am in need of the cart, but am holding out as long as possible!

    Tinker–No worries.

    Brave Astronaut–I am going to do my best to make this place work. I cannot bear the idea of moving again, as I desperately need to feel settled. So, I am figuring out the wireless connection and a cable guy comes back tomorrow. We shall see.

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