Liar, Liar

Posted on Wednesday 19 April 2006

Inspiration for my post subjects comes in sets of three. One incident occurs, then a second. After the third happens, the muse speaks something to this effect: “You couldn’t make this stuff up!”

Today, amidst the crowd of tourists, conventioneers, and business folks–even the mayor and his security detail at one point–they lurked. The liars. The less-than-honest souls. The half-truth speakers. The bane of this maitre ‘d on any day, but especially on a very busy Wednesday.

So, with the words to a great song by the Castaways as the background, today’s pains in my you-know.

Liar, liar:

“We called and the girl who answered said we should come in, she’d hold a table for us.” First of all, no “girl” who works here would ever say we’d hold a table when we’re on a 20-minute wait. Secondly, no girl was answering the phone during the lunch rush today.

Pants on fire:

“You have us down for two? No. No. We made that for three. It was definitely three all along. But now we’re five. You can seat us, right?” Oh, I get it. You tried to book a table for five, were told we only had a slot for two, booked it, pretended it was for three, then brought the five you originally tried to reserve the table for. Whew! All that work just to BS this slow-witted maitre ‘d. Imagine if all that misguided energy were put to use in your office….

Your nose is longer than a telephone wire:

“Ma’am. We need to speak to a manager. This is a terrible meal. These hamburgers are (pause to take a bite) awful. (Pause to take two more big bites.) Get me a steak sandwich. Get her one too. It’ll be comped, right?” Sure. Shall we wrap up the remainder of those awful burgers to take home?

Ah yes, the liars. They pretend to come in for lunch, but they’re really just there to steal a meal.

2 Comments for 'Liar, Liar'

  1.  
    April 20, 2006 | 5:44 am
     

    We get loads of liars in our place too. Our place has a no children under 12 policy, and its amazing how many folks tell you their kid is ten, then when we tell them about the policy their kid suddenly ages another three years. Way to go, teaching your kids to lie in order to get what you want.

  2.  
    April 20, 2006 | 11:30 am
     

    It amazes me how many people don’t have a problem lying to try and get what they want.

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